WEDNESDAY WAR – EPISODE ONE – 25/01/2017
– Deal, UK – Attendance 17,496
– Commentators: Sidney S and Jedward ‘The Gut’ San Diego
TL;DR at the end.
MUSIC HITS, SEVERAL FIREWORKS LAUNCH AND A CATHERINE WHEEL EXPLODES
SS: Hello everyone and welcome to the first ever HIHF Wednesday War – your Fortnightly Fracas. We are coming to you from a sold out Tides Leisure Centre, a capacity crowd of 17,500 people are here to witness history as HIHF hurtles towards the Council Kerfuffle at a rate of knots.
Joining me Sidney S tonight is a definite future HIHF Hall of Famer, Jedward ‘The Gut’ San Diego
TG: Cheers Sid, looking forward to working alongside you for a long time, just as long as The Mountain doesn’t stop paying me again.
KEVIN DEWONE’S MUSIC HITS AND HE STROLLS OUT CLUTCHING A MICROPHONE AND A STACK OF CRUMPLED PAPERS. THE CROWD ARE CHANTING ‘MOUNTAIN DEW’ AND KEVIN SOAKS IT ALL IN
KD: Thank you all for such a warm welcome, and welcome to the first ever Wednesday War! I had been pitching the idea of Monday Night War but my Assistant had told me that with so many legal battles already on my horizon, that I could be sued for gimmick infringement, so we settled on this.
I want HIHF to catch up to the 21st century, I want it to be the talk of the office, the talk of the playground, and the talk of the hospital wards. With my brains and guile, and my Assistants ability to assist my brains and guile, we will make this the top promotion in the business.
Now with Council Kerfuffle fast approaching, I’ve had a lot of people calling me and asking if there are going to be any surprise returns or big debuts, and I’ve had to answer the same thing to everyone, “how did you get my number?” But I’m pleased to announce tonight that I HAVE been scouring every corner of the planet for the greatest talent this globe has to offer, and some of those stars have put pen to paper this very week.
I’m a semi honest man, not by choice, but by fear of being sued. I have around me, the potential for the greatest wrestling promotion, and the potential to make a shed load of cash. I have one problem. My current HIHF World Champion. Brilliant AK is not playing ball, he’s not doing public appearances, he’s not doing any autograph signings or photo sessions, he’s not moving any merchandise. He’s not making me any money.
I’m going to be semi honest with you all, I don’t want him to be Champion. But I can’t just strip the title from him. No. I’m going to do it the semi honest way, and that’s by getting the greatest talent on the planet to battle it out in the Council Kerfuffle, so that the winner can challenge for the Championship at WRESTLING MANIA 2.
I also have a back up plan, and that is this:
KEVIN DEWONE PROUDLY HOLDS UP THE CRUMPLED PAPERS, THE CROWD CAN’T MAKE ANYTHING OUT, THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN TO REVEAL CRUDELY DRAWN PICTURES OF A NEW CHAMPIONSHIP BELT
If Brilliant AK doesn’t lose to Dangerous Ant Daniels at Council Kerfuffle, and he goes on to main event WRESTLING MANIA, I can’t afford to have any chance of him being the only Champion in this company.
Allow me to introduce the final blueprint for the HIHF International Championship, which was sent off for production earlier today. Fax machine permitting. A tournament will take place over the next few months to determine the new Champion. Every man on the roster will compete, with the semi finals taking place at HIHF Hard Shoulder. The final will take place at WRESTLING MANIA, where the new Champion will be crowned.
DEWONE IS POINTING TO WHERE A WRESTLING MANIA SIGN SHOULD BE, HOWEVER THERE IS ONLY A SIGN TO SAY THE DISABLED TOILETS ARE OUT OF ORDER.
BRILLIANT AK’S MUSIC HITS AND HE STRUTS OUT TO DEAFENING BOOS. HE SLOWLY WALKS TOWARDS THE RING CLUTCHING HIS HIHF CHAMPIONSHIP BELT, SHIELDING IT FROM THE RUBBISH BEING PELTED AT HIM FROM THE CROWD. BRILLIANT ENTERS THE RING AND GOES TO ALL FOUR CORNERS OF THE RING AND SHOWS OFF THE TITLE TO THE BOOING FANS. BRILLIANT SNATCHES THE PAPERS FROM DEWONE’S HANDS.
AK: These are lovely drawings Kev, nice to let your 18 month old be a part of the production. I’m out here for two reasons. The first reason is to tell you that I should be opening the show, and I should be closing the show. I AM THE DAMN SHOW. You have no reason to be out here first, and then start talking about me and MY Championship without inviting me down to hear what you have to say. How dare you try to belittle me and my Championship. The only Championship that will ever matter. I am the best in this company, and the proof is right here.
BRILLIANT HOLDS THE CHAMPIONSHIP IN THE AIR JUST INCHES FROM THE PROTRUDING TEETH OF DEWONE.
I have held this Championship for 218 days. Nobody can beat me. Ricky Reach? Beat him. JRAGON? I beat him so bad nobody has seen him since. Dangerous Ant Daniels? I’ve beaten him so many times it isn’t even funny any more. And what’s this about me not making you money, wherever I go places sell out, there are nearly 18,000 low lives here tonight to see me and my Championship.
DANGEROUS ANT DANIELS’ MUSIC HITS TO A MASSIVE POP. HE APPEARS AT THE TOP OF THE RAMP FLANKED BY RICKY REACH. HE GOES TO THE NEAREST MEMBERS OF THE CROWD AND SHAKES HANDS AND HI5s. HE RAISES THE MICROPHONE TO HIS MOUTH BUT THE CROWD IS CHANTING DANGEROUS SO LOUD HE CANT BE HEARD. AS THE CHEERS ABATE HE IS ABLE TO BE HEARD.
AD: Mr Dewone I have one request for my match against the disgrace holding my Championship this Sunday at the Council Kerfuffle. Just three words Mr President. Carbon. Composite. Cage.
THERE IS A HUGE POP AS BRILLIANT AK BEGINS SHOUTING AND MARCHING AROUND THE RING.
AK: You aren’t in a position to be making requests Daniels, this is MY Championship and I say I want you in a Schoolyard Scrap.
AD: Typical isn’t it, that scum always resorts to more desperate means, that you of all people call for a match outside of the sacred square.
AK: Why don’t you take a walk down to this sacred square and see what happens?
KD: Alright, I’ve had enough of this. You want a Carbon Composite Cage match and you want a Schoolyard Scrap, do you both think I’m made of money? As it happens I’ve just had a successful loan application, so here’s what I’m gonna do. This Sunday at HIHF Council Kerfuffle, this will come to an end. So I’m announcing the first ever TRIFECTA TRILOGY. The first match will be inside a Carbon Composite Cage, the second will be a Schoolyard Scrap, and the third, if needed, will be a Caber man match, with superstars surrounding the ring.
BRILLIANT AK IS STUNNED, DANGEROUS ANT DANIELS SEEMS PLEASANTLY SPEECHLESS. RICKY REACH GRABS THE MICROPHONE.
RR: The brotherhood is strong.
DANGEROUS ANT DANIELS’ MUSIC HITS AS BRILLIANT AK BECKONS HIM DOWN TO THE RING, TAUNTING HIM WITH THE CHAMPIONSHIP BELT. RICKY REACH GOES TO RUN TO THE RING BUT DANGEROUS STOPS HIM AND USHERS HIM TO THE BACK. DANGEROUS TURNS BACK TO LOCK EYES WITH BRILLIANT AK WHO IS STANDING WITH HIS CHAMPIONSHIP IN THE AIR.
SS: What a way to kick off Wednesday War! The President has booked the first ever TRIFECTA TRILOGY, how does this change things Jed?
TG: Sid this completely changes the dynamic, neither of these men will have been in any match as threatening as this, and I don’t know who it favours. The Carbon Composite Cage could be the making of Dangerous, and if Brilliant goes 1-0 down I think his temperament could work against him. I’m going to go out on a limb and say we will have a new HIHF World Champion crowned this Sunday.
SS: I have to give the edge to the Champion, he’s a tough biscuit and I think he will be able to turn the tide and outlast Daniels. If it was possible, I’m now more excited for the match. And what about the Kerfuffle match? The President has confirmed the rumours to be true, and he has signed some international talent.
TG: I’m excited to see who he has signed, I’ve heard rumours about various wrestlers but I don’t want to get ahead of myself, I’m just looking forward to the excitement of the unknown Sid!
SS: it certainly is unknown Jed, and the other thing we don’t know is who will be the new HIHF International Champion, which has the potential to look gorgeous, despite the poor drawing.
TG: A good old fashioned tournament Sid! I love it!
JIMMY FABULOUS PROMO AIRS (YOUTUBE VIDEO)
MATCH – DANNY CHARISMA VS A MASKED OPPONENT
DANNY CHARISMA MAKES HIS HIGHLY ANTICIPATED IN RING DEBUT. AFTER MONTHS OF SPECULATION WE SEE HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIHF. HE COMES OUT TO A POP AND MAKES HIS WAY TO THE RING A ‘THIS IS AWESOME’ CHANT BREAKS OUT.
SS: Jed I am super excited to see what this talented young kid can do, he’s the only 17th generation wrestler in the business, do you think he can be the real deal?
TG: I wrestled his Dad and his Grandad and let me tell you if he is one tenth as good as them then he is a definite future World Champion.
DANNY CHARISMA HITS THE MASKED OPPONENT WITH RIGHTS AND LEFTS, HE DELIVERS A FISHERMANS SUPLEX THEN GESTURES TO THE CROWD. HE NAILS THE MASKED OPPONENT WITH THE CHARISMA SHOT AND GOES FOR THE COVER.
CHARISMA CELEBRATES WITH HIS DAD AT RINGSIDE
SS: Wow what an impact from Charisma, that kick to the face ended this match in super quick time.
TG: That’s what I’m talking about Sid, his Dad kicked me like that once and I had to eat through a straw for a week!
KEVIN DEWONE IS BACKSTAGE TALKING TO HIS ASSISTANT WHO IS OFF CAMERA, HE IS BARKING ORDERS AT HIM MAKING SURE ALL OF THE NEW SUPERSTARS HAVE THEIR CONTRACTS SIGNED BEFORE THE COUNCIL KERFUFFLE, AS HE CANT AFFORD TO NOT HAVE THEM ALL COMPETE. HE THEN ASKS WHICH OF HIS COURT CASES IS NEXT THURSDAY AND HIS ASSISTANT INFORMS HIM ITS THE CREDIT CARD FRAUD CASE.
JIMMY FABULOUS COMES OUT WITH HIS OWN RING ANNOUNCER AND BAND PLAYING HIS MUSIC, HE COMES DOWN TO THE RING WITH A HUGE ENTOURAGE AND POSES FOR PHOTOGRAPHS. HE IS GETTING AN ICY COLD RECEPTION FROM THE CROWD.
SS: This Fabulous really does love himself doesn’t he?
TG: It seems he’s not the only one, look at how his fans are staring at him. This guy has got to be my pick to win the Kerfuffle on Sunday, he’s been on a hot streak of late.
SS: I can’t deny he’s one of the favourites, but here comes my hot pick!
THE BROTHERHOOD’S MUSIC HITS AND RICKY REACH COMES OUT TO A POP. HE MAKES HIS WAY DOWN THE RAMP ALONE, INDICATING THAT DANGEROUS ANT DANIELS HAS TRUST IN HIS BROTHER TO FIGHT ON HIS OWN. HE ENTERS THE RING AND SCARES AWAY MOST OF THE POSSE THAT ACCOMPANIED JIMMY FABULOUS TO THE RING. JIMMY FABULOUS IS INTRODUCED BY HIS PERSONAL RING ANNOUNCER.
SS: I can’t believe how narcissistic Jimmy Fabulous is!!
THE HIHF ANNOUNCER RETURNS TO ANNOUNCE RICKY REACH, BUT JUST AS HE DOES BRILLIANT AK APPEARS AND CLOCKS RICKY REACH FROM BEHIND. BRILLIANT AND FABULOUS BEGIN BEATING DOWN RICKY REACH. FABULOUS HITS REACH WITH THE SELFIE STICK AND BRILLIANT NAILS HIM WITH THE BRILLIANT PLEX. THE REFEREE IS DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET THE TWO OFF RICKY REACH AND THE TIMEKEEPER IS RELENTLESSLY RINGING THE BELL. HALF THE CROWD ARE BOOING AND HALF ARE CHANTING FOR DANGEROUS ANT DANIELS. THE BEATDOWN CONTINUES AS THE RING STARTS FILLING WITH CUPS AND BOTTLES THROWN FROM THE CROWD. RICKY REACH HAS BEEN BUSTED OPEN BY THE SAVAGE RIGHT HANDS FROM BRILLIANT AK.
SS: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SICKENING, WHAT A COWARDLY ATTACK BY BRILLIANT AK, AND JIMMY FABULOUS IS DOING HIS BIDDING TOO!!
TG: This is a brilliant play by both Brilliant and Fabulous, Sid. Brilliant has been able to get his hands on a member of The Brotherhood one on one for the first time in months, evening the odds. And Jimmy Fabulous has a chance to take out one of his biggest rivals for the Council Kerfuffle only days before it. GENIUS.
SS: It’s not genius it’s sadistic, and the odds aren’t even at all it’s two on one!!
THE BROTHERHOOD’S MUSIC HITS AND DANGEROUS AND DANIELS SPRINTS TO THE RING, THE CROWD ARE GOING ABSOLUTELY BERSERK.
SS: YES! Now let’s see what happens when the odds are even and nobody has been blindsided.
JIMMY FABULOUS QUICKLY LEAVES THE RING AND IS TELLING HIS ENTOURAGE HE CANT RISK HAVING ANY DAMAGE DONE TO HIS FACE AS HE HAS A PHOTOSHOOT IN THE MORNING.
BRILLIANT AK IS STILL HITTING RICKY REACH WITH RIGHT HANDS. HE STANDS UP AND STOMPS ON HIM. REACH IS MOTIONLESS AND BLEEDING PROFUSELY. DANGEROUS ANT DANIELS ENTERS THE RING AND THE TWO BEGIN TRADING BLOWS. THE ROOF HAS BEEN BLOWN OFF THE BUILDING AND THE CROWD ARE GOING NUTS. DANIELS STARTS TO GET THE BETTER OF THE EXCHANGE. BRILLIANT KICKS DANIELS IN THE BALLS AND QUICKLY LEAVES THE RING. AS DANIELS GOES TO TEND TO REACH BRILLIANT COMES BACK IN AND GOES TO CLOCK DANIELS WITH THE HIHF CHAMPIONSHIP, BUT DANIELS SPOTS HIM AND HITS HIM WITH A NASTY LOOKING 214. BRILLIANT AK IS LAID OUT AS DANIELS CHECKS ON RICKY REACH.
SS: What an explosive end to the first ever Wednesday War, and you can be sure that at HIHF Council Kerfuffle, business truly will pick up.
TG: I’m so excited for the Kerfuffle, but I think Ricky Reach will have to sacrifice his spot now.
SS: It certainly looks that way, but I wouldn’t want to be Brilliant AK when he has nowhere to escape in the first ever Carbon Composite Cage match.
Thank you everyone and see you on Sunday for HIHF Council Kerfuffle, where we will see the first ever 30 man COUNCIL KERFUFFLE match with guaranteed big name debuts, and the first ever TRIFECTA TRILOGY for the HIHF World Heavyweight Championship.
WEDNESDAY WAR GOES OFF THE AIR WITH DANGEROUS ANT DANIELS STANDING TALL
— The President has announced the HIHF International Championship Tournament, culminating at WRESTLING MANIA
— The President has announced that there WILL be some big name debuts this Sunday.
— The Championship match at Council Kerfuffle is now a TRIFECTA TRILOGY.
1: Carbon Composite Cage
2: Schoolyard Scrap
3: Caber Man Match
— Jimmy Fabulous vignette airs
— Danny Charisma debuts, beating a masked opponent with the Charisma Shot
— Ricky Reach v Jimmy Fabulous doesn’t get started after Brilliant AK attacks Ricky Reach after he makes his entrance, and gets severely beaten down by Brilliant AK and Jimmy Fabulous. Dangerous Ant Daniels makes the save and stands tall as the show goes off the air.